i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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