I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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