i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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