He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize