***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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