Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
