He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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