He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
