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he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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