we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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