I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
