Define "chronic" masturbator.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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