Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
