ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had sex on a roof
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
