you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
