First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
