Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
