who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
