Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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