Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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