Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
