Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize