She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
