Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
