The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
