Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
