apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
