I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
