Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
