and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
