I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
