I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
