i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
