I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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