her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
