You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
