I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
