The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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