Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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