The best revenge is premature balding
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
