i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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