guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
