fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
