im about as happy as oj after his trial
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize