I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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