guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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