Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
