Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
