do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
