You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize