The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize