Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
