all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
