I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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