dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So squirting runs in the family.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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