Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
