Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
