just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
