Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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