goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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