my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's get the cat blown out
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
