he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
