just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there was a trapeze. enough said
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
