I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
