Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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