If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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