Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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