You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
