i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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