last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
