Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just took my morning after pill in the library
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
