sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize