How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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