You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize