You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize