OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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