wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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