Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
