Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
