it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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