It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
