he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
