I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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