im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize