The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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