Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
