Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
