I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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