can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
