I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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