Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
