I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize