I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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