hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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