What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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