the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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