using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
