y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
