I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
