Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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