Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
