you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
