I think I died a long time ago.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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