Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
