Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i now understand why vodka
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
