Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
