I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize