your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
