i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
