Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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