If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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