Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
