So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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