That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He? As in you personified your dick?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
