Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
