When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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