There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
