i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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