God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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