I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
